Elspeth: stands in the middle of an aisle with dead eyes, wondering why she’s still in the produce section while uneaten pizza exists in the world.
Old Man: pushes cart. Abruptly stops and stares at Elspeth, makes things uncomfortable.
Elspeth: seconds away from giving Old Man a dirty look, chooses to stand awkwardly instead. Prays he does not try to communicate.
Old Man: I really like your head shaved off like that!
Let’s break this down quickly. You, a presumably kind and harmless old man with an opinion, like my head shaved off like that. You were so strongly compelled by my fuzzy scalp that you just HAD to stop and tell me that YOU liked it. On one hand, I’m proud of you for wanting to say something nice to a random cancer-lady you don’t know. On the other hand, I’m DAMN PROUD of you for giving me a compliment in the most serial-killery fashion you could. On a list of people who could shave my head completely off with my blessing, you would fall in the top 10.
I was going to be mad, but if you’ve got to insert your unwanted opinions into my life, it’s best to do it the Dahmer way. It certainly softens the blow.
PS: a huge thank you to everyone who has been supportive of my new hairstyle! Never would I have imagined that the phrase “you have such a nice skull” would mean so much to me. ❤